We Can’t Talk about That at Work!: How to Talk about Race, Religion, Politics, and Other Polarizing Topics - Second Edition (for Dominick Dunkin) by Mary-Frances Winters & Mareisha N. Reese

Author:Mary-Frances Winters & Mareisha N. Reese
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Berrett-Koehler Publishers, Inc.

CONVERSATION 1:

JAKE LISTENS TO RODNEY

The recommendations outlined for this conversation assume that both Rodney and Jake are new at having Bold, Inclusive Conversations. See Chapter 6 for Am I Ready?, a guide for assessing where to start the conversation.

Considering Rodney initiated the conversation, Jake’s role should be just to listen, not to interject his opinion or to debate. The specific goals of the first meeting might include the following:

Create a “Brave Zone”: A brave zone encompasses a safe zone but goes further because it gives you permission to be courageous in saying things that might be uncomfortable.

Agree on Confidentiality Parameters: Jake might say something like: “This conversation is just between us at this point. If I feel that I have to escalate your concerns, I will let you know first, and we can talk about the best way to move forward.”

Enhance Jake’s Understanding: These topics are very personal and are often at the core of our identity. As highlighted in Chapter 3, we don’t understand if we have not had the employee’s experience. Therefore Jake should refrain from saying, “I understand how you feel.” Rather, he should say something like, “I want to better understand how you may be feeling and how this is impacting you at work.”

Rodney Shares His Perspective: Rodney should not expect Jake to have solutions at this juncture or even understand all of his perspective. Rodney should assume positive intent and make sure he balances his presentation between his perspective and the facts as he knows them. He should not point out blame or be judgmental. He should try to present in as neutral a way as possible and avoid saying things like, “I don’t think most white people understand.” Instead, he should say something like, “I know that it’s sometimes hard for me to understand issues that may not impact me directly and this may be hard for you too.” (Here Rodney uses an “I” statement, in an attempt to not put Jake on the defensive.)

Recognize Cultural Differences in Communication Styles: Rodney’s culture may be more or less emotionally expressive than Jake’s. For certain cultures, too much emotional display is off-putting. For other cultures, too little emotional display suggests you don’t care, as discussed in Chapter 3. Rodney should find the balance that will work while still being authentic. It will be important for Rodney to use “I” language and not speak for others who share his identity. For example, he should not say: “I think I speak for all African Americans on the team.” Rodney can only speak for himself unless he has actually spoken to others and has their permission to share their perspectives.

Foster Dialogue, Not Debate: People commonly use debate to persuade others toward one idea over another. We learn how to debate in school and politics. Debating has its use but not when it comes to engaging in Bold, Inclusive Conversations. By their very nature, debates are oppositional—two sides, each attempting to prove the other wrong by searching for the weaknesses in the other’s perspective and implying that there is only one right answer: theirs.

Download

Copyright Disclaimer:
This site does not store any files on its server. We only index and link to content provided by other sites. Please contact the content providers to delete copyright contents if any and email us, we'll remove relevant links or contents immediately.